


The World as a Whole (his whole world)

by VoiceOfNurse



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Doubt, Fear, Gen, Hermann freaking out, Hurt/Comfort, even logical people panic, finding someone seizing is terrifying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-04
Updated: 2013-10-04
Packaged: 2017-12-28 09:13:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/990298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VoiceOfNurse/pseuds/VoiceOfNurse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even the most mathematical of minds reside in human flesh, and it is human nature to hesitate and panic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The World as a Whole (his whole world)

**Author's Note:**

> Because somebody on tumblr asked for it, and I couldn't get the idea out of my head.

It was adrenalin, a byproduct of his panic, that finally spurred him into frenetic activity what felt like hours later (too late), but the cool ability to simply function that he longed for never came. Instead, he found himself attempting to rip Newton from his creation with shaking fingers, his mind a mass of terror and half-constructed predictions. The way Newton moved was unnatural; alarming. Hermann had no idea how to stop it, despite the sick feeling that seeing it invoked. He couldn't see a way of freeing Newton entirely; his mind had focussed on the fact that the other man didn't appear to be breathing, that there was blood on his face and a blue tinge to his lips. Eyes rolled back, body locked in spasm, he appeared for all the world to be dying, and Hermann couldn't think of a single thing to do to help him.

Half-remembered first aid seminars and the basics of resuscitation flickered through his awareness, but Hermann didn't know if it was appropriate. Newton was still moving (seizing), and his position was unrelentingly upright due to the machinery that Hermann had not quite figured out how to completely remove him from- nothing of the sort had ever been covered in the mandatory first aid training. The lifeless plastic torsos they had been set to practice on had never seemed so laughable as in that moment, when Hermann had locked his hands around Newton's lolling head and silently begged him to come out of the situation himself and take the hateful indecision away.

The frantic, shuddering gasp that Newton had taken after a horrifying stretch of panicked seconds was arguably the most wonderful sound that Hermann had ever heard. One breath had never been the cause of such relief, and it acted as a suitable catalyst insomuch as it jerked Hermann out of his fear addled state enough to free Newton from his bindings. The smaller man flopped sickly forwards and would likely have broken his already bleeding nose had Hermann not finally managed to muster up some basic instinct and insert himself between Newton and the ground. It resulted in a messy half-drag, half-side, but ended with Newton curled in a rough approximation of then recovery position, which was likely the most successful part of an otherwise disastrous few minutes.

Waiting for Newton to do something, whether that be rouse himself or expire from a catastrophic brain hemorrhage, was perhaps the worst part of the whole ordeal, despite there being little for Herman to do but observe him and debate how quickly emergency medical help should be summoned. Newton, for once, took pity on him- although it felt like a lifetime to Hermann, he did, in fact, come around rapidly. Coherence took a little longer, but it did come despite the many and varied fatalistic outcomes that were running through Hermann's mind at the time. 

As soon as Newton was talking, however, it became immediately obvious that the situation was so much bigger than them. Hermann could no longer afford to indulge himself in fearing for what was very likely the only person currently alive with whom he couldn't see himself living without, because the whole world was suddenly very much at stake. 

It was for the sake of the world, and perhaps his own sanity, that Hermann drew up his anger like a mantle and allowed himself to focus on the bigger picture; that every last one of them, Newton included, would die if something wasn't done. It was for the world as a whole that Hermann raised no protest at Newton (his whole world), being sent out into rain and chaos before he had even had the chance to see a doctor. 

In the end, it was for Hermann as much as Newton (and the world that they were attempting to save from certain disaster), that he, the logistician, willingly risked the mind that was so precious to him for the sake of the one person left who actually mattered.

Afterwards, when their lives had been bought in a bloody explosion of pain and sacrifice, they sat together in then ruins of their lab, side by side and in silence. Ultimately, there was nothing to say. Hermann had been terrified, he had failed to act as quickly as he thought he should have. But Newton (alive and breathing and safe beside him) held no judgement. Filthy and disheveled; close to sleep, he rested with his head on Hermann's shoulder as if it were the most natural thing in the world. As if Hermann hadn't been faced with catastrophe and proven himself a coward.

"I spent ten years of my life wanting nothing more than to see a living Kaiju up close. Told everyone how awesome they were. Saw one face to face and ended up curled in a foetal ball trying not to piss myself. ....you won't tell anyone, will you?" Newton was watching him blearily through a single, bloodshot eye, lips curved up into a knowing smile.

It was a smile that fixed very little, and did nothing to correct the fact that Hermann had found himself wanting. He did, however, find himself smiling back, because there was no denying the look if profound understanding on Newton's face. 

As it turned out it was surprisingly difficult to find himself lacking, when Newton saw him in his entirety and didn't find him lacking in the least.

**Author's Note:**

> You can be trained to deal with people haiving massive seizures, going into cardiac arrest, becoming incrediably unwell incredibly quicky- that does not mean it isn't terrifying. There will always be an infinitesimal moment of frozen doubt before you leap into action.


End file.
